middle child, heir i
the last few days have been very eventful for me because my father has been working a new job (his first job in the medical field as a cna) and my mother was released from rehab after her 7 day stay. i dont remember what happened between her leaving and her missing. she must have been possessed by something, an emotion uncontrollable and an urge irresistible, to have tried to walk home from jacksonville. i dont know what she went through that night. thinking about it scares me and i feel bad; but why would you choose that for yourself? in favor of waiting a few hours nearby your release or even having someone you know pick you up?
instead, she asked both me and my sister to give her 8 dollars. i didnt know until it was hours too late, but i sent it. seeing as to how he found her, i shouldnt have. but ive done it again, today; and disregarded my logic in favor of holding on to the belief that maybe i am helping my mother. my father seems to enjoy his job, though im sure there's something he isnt letting on. his coworkers all seem to be female and i know that he is sometimes more standoffish than he needs to be. hes already left there for a couple of hours in the middle of his shift to look for mom, but i think it ended up being okay. the job was the reason he couldn't get her, just like she would have said if it were him on the other end— which is why its so prominent to me that she decided she would walk.
she and his semi-ex girlfriend have been stressing him out to no end, where i'm afraid no matter how much faith i have in his relatively consistent demeanor he will end up disregarding his health... i hope that isn't the case. every time i start thinking things may mellow out or begin to solve themselves, something else that seems to be completely irrelevant will cause problems.
i do not know how i am a thousand miles away and somehow, yet still, right in the middle.