untitled, nv
I was supposed to wake up early this morning. I did not.
As with every pre-12pm flight, I missed it. A friend had to drive me an additional two hours to Columbus from Cleveland and there goes $100 in gas money. I start my week with $197, but I had $432 about a day ago.
Something about my own spending habits infuriates me, but everything is always so out of necessity. Money is a scarce commodity where I come from and it seems to be the same now. After this week I can only hope that will change, with more players in the game.
But first, something tells me we'll be in the pit for a while before any of that. I worry my roomie will get too lonely, too inside himself and not yet bold enough to reach out to others on his own. Maybe he would already do that and my commandeering was not required and more damaging than anything. I'll be sure to encourage him instead. He seems okay so far.
It's 106 degrees in Las Vegas this evening. There are at least as many people in this room. It's strange to think about how all these people have lives they have led through blood, sweat, and tears that they will continue to shed long after I take my eyes off them and banish them from my mind. There's a word for this but I don't care what it is because it could never really capture the sensation it claims.
In three short hours I will see my love again. I am afraid, but I cannot tell him this. I am afraid it won't be the same as the world we created during purple-orange April twilights.
I am a fool for thinking this, of course. If I were certain I would have no doubts about this, of course. My stomach always turns something knotted— like rotten butterflies. I cannot help the way they decay. Maybe one day he'll read this and frown, knowing I am entirely full of shit. Maybe they are simply flies.
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